Road Rage and Aggressive Driving

by Margaret "Gigi" Roe, LPC

I was driving up the parkway from the Jersey Shore with my two children last summer when my then five year-old wanted to open his window. I tried to explain that his plastic blow-up Yankees bat he had won on the boardwalk would get sucked outside and be gone forever, and he needed to keep it shut; but he didn’t get the concept. My slow reaction time on the window lock button resulted in the bat being lost somewhere around Exit 94. My son was so upset. I said something only a mother would say, and a counselor should’ve known better not to at a time like that, “I told you that would happen!” He cried, “I hate you!” and started wailing. My daughter started crying because he was crying, pandemonium ensued. I took a deep breath and looked in the rear view mirror. No cars were behind me at the time…or so I thought. Well, the person that was apparently behind me was now bearing down the right hand side of me and at that point trying to pass me, window rolled down, looking at me square in the face, had his closed fist waving furiously at me. With all the adrenaline flowing I think I could have taken him. Welcome to New Jersey: Home of the Road Rage.

Don’t get me wrong, I love New Jersey. I view it as my family in that I can poke fun at it all I want but if any outsider did, I’d vehemently defend it. That said, driving in Jersey is no picnic. I think we are the only state with traffic circles. There is almost as much mystery surrounding who put them there and their purpose as there is encompassing crop circles. There are more people, more cars and more opportunities for problems than most states.

Now I am no expert on road rage, I just have an interest in it as I seem to incite people to it often. Wayne Dyer observes in his “Power of Intention” program, which frequently airs on PBS during fundraising time, that people are often looking to be offended. We often look for reasons to be annoyed with others as if people are purposely doing things to aggravate us. I realize that what happened on the road that day was dangerous but was purely accidental. This person didn’t skid off the road or become injured or hurt. By his glare he had to have seen my children crying in the car and he still felt the need to aggressively shake his fist at me. Could he have possibly thought that what we had done was purposeful? And whatever happened to the “No harm no foul” rule?

One website I saw in researching this article suggests that people use a “SORRY” sign. It suggests that for school projects and fundraisers to make these signs up for the car to use if you “misdrive” and anger someone. Simply hold up or show the sign on your visor. I applaud the person who thought up this very nice idea. I am just hesitant to use it being that in the animal kingdom, any sudden movement may illicit an attack, even if it is reaching for the “SORRY” sign.

There is some controversy over whether “Road Rage” is a form of “Intermittent Explosive Disorder”. This may be the case for some people. Some definitely have an anger disorder and this is one of the ways that it can manifest itself. Road rage has resulted in accidents, altercations and even death. If you or a loved one is having chronic anger problems and are prone to violence in and/or out of the car, please get help.

I find that it is far more common for people that normally don’t have so much of an anger issue can experience road rage at times. Perhaps it’s because we are more anonymous and will probably never see the other person again and feel somehow we can get away with it so we allow ourselves to do it. Researchers are speculating that what could also be at play is that when we get into the car, it “becomes” us in a way. The idea is that our bodies and the car are now one in the sense that when other people drive too close, or cut us off it feels as if they are invading our personal space, and that is why we have such a strong reaction. Coupled with the fact that we are going sixty-five miles an hour or more, often late, stressed, etc. it breeds an atmosphere of high anxiety fueled with adrenaline. I also feel that “displacement” often occurs. The defense mechanism that we are angry or upset at one situation or person and “safely” take it out on another.

Some Tips To Avoid Road Rage and Aggressive Driving:

• Realize that nobody purposely wants to get into an accident. Generally people don’t get into their car with the intention to hurt another person. What usually happens is that people make mistakes.
• If the problem is your irritation with others for going too slow, what’s your rush? If you are always late, leave earlier. Whenever I have an appointment or somewhere to go I have decided that I make or break it by the time I get into my car to go, not when I walk through the door. If I’m running ten minutes late by the time I get into the car, well I’m going to be at least ten minutes late and there’s nothing more to it. I won’t try to make up time on the road. I will actually cover the clock on my dash, listen to music and drive the way I normally do and decide there’s nothing more I can do about it .
• Try to picture some bad reactions you’ve had with people while driving. Would you have done that if the person was standing face-to-face with you? Even if there was no retaliation, would you still act that way towards someone else even if they did do something accidental, acted inconsiderate or were wrong?
• Make excuses for the other person. Perhaps they are having a bad day, they just spilled coffee on themselves, the sun’s in their eyes, they’re from out of town, they have kids in the car, etc. Be outrageous. This can be fun especially if someone else is with you. Think up some wacky excuses such as, they swerved to miss a duck-billed platypus or maybe they couldn’t see us in our invisible jet.
• As an experiment, don’t react the way you normally do. Try something different, anything different. This can be from waiting ten more seconds to react or curse with your window up without giving gestures to listening to relaxing music, etc. See how that works for you. You may like it better.
• If someone is tailgating you and acting aggressively, don’t make eye contact or retaliate in any sort of way, it’s not worth it. If a problem persists call for help on your cell and drive to a police station for help.
• There is a website RoadRagers.com that provides a place for people to vent their feelings about road rage incidents, learn more about aggressive driving and provides tips and tests to analyze your driving style. Check it out.

Margaret "Gigi" Roe, MA, LPC