Personal Boundaries: Relationship Fighting or Personal Boundary Violations

by Jef Gazley, M.S., LMFT, DCC

Personal Boundaries ViolationsDefinition of personal boundaries violation: The violation of a person's physical or mental state (personal boundaries, limits), which is different for every person.

Listed below are some of the characteristics of personal boundary violations.

  • "Always" "Never"
  • "You"
  • Yelling voice
  • Calling names
  • Cussing
  • Bringing up the past
  • Categorizing / Comparing
  • Doesn't listen to other person's side
  • Turns away or walks away
  • Sarcastic
  • Laughs at other person
  • Mocks other person
  • Demands to talk at inappropriate times
  • Passive Manipulative Behavior:
    A - Pout
    B - Slams door
    C - Whining
    D - Making faces
    E - Silent treatment
  • Talks over last part of sentence
  • Hits or throws things
  • Using weak points
  • Lecturing
  • Interrogating
  • Monopolizing conversation (monologues)
  • Asking inappropriate questions - over the other person's boundaries
  • Mad about one thing but talks about another
  • Threatening statements or behavior
  • Blackmail "or else" statements
  • Ultimatum
  • Attempting to "guilt trip" or "shame"
  • Moving across physical boundary of other person
  • Threatening physical gestures or movements
  • Taking the others inventory
  • Conditional love, "I'll marry you, if you..."
  • Condescending
  • Breaking confidences
  • Third party communication
  • Lying
  • Breaking promises repeatedly
  • Not supportive emotionally
  • Critical:
    A - Calling names
    B - Bringing up the past to hurt you
  • Neglecting your needs deliberately
  • Pushing buttons
  • Making fun of you
  • Treating you like a child, or mother, or father - treats you as an inferior or superior
  • Ignores - doesn't listen to you or your opinion
  • Being disrespectful / rude
  • Won't take "no" for an answer
  • Pushiness
  • Someone who gives you advice not asked for
  • Demanding
  • Judgmental
  • Trying to "fix" or "save" you
    A - Manipulating
    B - Blaming
  • Shotgun blasting - not staying on one subject
  • Physical abuse
  • Sexual abuse
  • Strings attached to gifts
  • Withholding behavior
  • Inappropriate secrets or threats
  • Excessive teasing

Appropriate counseling can assist an individual, couple, or family learn better personal limitations. Explore the ease of e-mail counseling or virtual counseling.

Jef Gazley, M.S., LMFT, DCC