What is Healthy Love?

by Jef Gazley, M.S., LMFT, DCC

What is Healthy Love and how to have a healthy relationship?Here I list different characteristics of a healthy relationship, in no particular order. We could also say that these define what healthy love is:

  • Each person allows for the individuality of each partner within the relationship.
  • Experiencing both oneness with and separateness from their partner. Other relationships are seen as no threat.
  • Bringing out the best qualities in their partner.
  • Each partner has the ability to accept endings, if necessary.
  • Experiencing openness to change and exploration both in the individual and in the relationship.
  • Inviting growth in their partner.
  • Experiencing true intimacy in the relationship physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.
  • Feeling the freedom to ask honestly for what they want.
  • Being able to experience giving and receiving in the same manner.
  • Not attempting to control or change the other person.
  • Encouraging self-sufficiency of others. Adults don't need each other in a dependent fashion, they simply want to be with each other.
  • Accepting limitations of self and partner.
  • Not attempting to seek unconditional love in relationships. This type of love is really parental love. Parents accept any behavior from a child and will still love and accept them. Adults demand to be treated with dignity in order to stay in a relationship.
  • Able to accept commitment.
  • Each person having a high self-esteem.
  • Trusting the memory of the beloved, enjoying solitude.
  • Expressing feelings spontaneously.
  • Welcoming closeness, risking vulnerability.
  • Able to care with detachment. They don't feel responsible for each other.
  • Affirming equality and personal power of self and their partner.

Jef Gazley, M.S., LMFT, DCC


Relationship skills can be enhanced or fixed easily through online counseling with any of our fine therapists. Mental health counseling online is convenient, private and economical. To learn more about healthy love partnerships and how they differ from addictive love, set an e-counseling appointment or purchase the video on Love Addiction and Healthy Relationships by Jef Gazley, M.S., LMFT, DCC.