Archive for September 2008
Dear Carol,
My son is 8 yrs. old. He has been sleep walking and talking for several years. He started when he was about 2yrs. old. It has gradually gotten worse. He cries most of the time when he is doing this. He talks about crazy things not necessarily scary stuff but sometimes he is very terrified. He normally has actions with his speech. I don’t know what to do for him. I used to be able to wake him up when he is doing this, but anymore He won’t wake up, He does not remember a bit of it the next morning. I have heard not wake up sleep walkers. Is this true? Is this something I need to talk with his doctor about? If you could suggest something that would be great.
Thank You
Mom of a Sleepwalker
Dear Mom,
Sleep walking is fairly common, in fact I do it myself from time to time! Research has said that up to 15% of kids are sleepwalkers. Some do it more when they are sick, have a fever, are overtired, or are stressed about something. It sounds like your son has an extreme case of it and I would recommend a trip to the Doctor’s just to make sure it isn’t anything more serious.
In the meantime, there are a few things you can do that might help. Create a soothing bedtime ritual that helps him calm down. This could include soft music, soft light, singing quiet songs, etc. Just make sure you aren’t doing things to energize him (like tickling, wrestling, etc). Once you create a ritual, stick to it as well as a regular bedtime. The more you fluctuate his bedtime, the more you interrupt his sleep cycles. For me, I have to have a small light (nightlight) on in my room. I have found for myself that I sleepwalk more when it is pitch black. You may want to experiment with things like this to see what works best for you son. Sometimes doctors also recommend waking your son up on a regular schedule, at the same time every night to change his sleep routine.
When you find him sleepwalking, don’t freak out, just know he is still sleeping and dreaming. Don’t worry if you can’t wake him up, just steer him back to bed. I don’t think it is harmful if you do wake him up, but he may be more startled and confused, so just expect that. It may be a good idea to keep the floor of his room clean and the hallway, etc., so when he does wander around he doesn’t hurt himself. If you have stairs that he could go down, get a gate to keep him from falling down the stairs. Also, if he is spending the night at anyone’s home, you need to warn them of his sleepwalking so they are prepared for middle of the night action.
As for his crying and being terrified, you might spend some time exploring what he is afraid of when he is awake. You may also want to monitor how many scary movies and violent television or video games he is exposed to. Typically the sleepwalker is dreaming while they are walking/doing things and dreams are influenced by what is in our brain. Things may not seem scary when we are awake, but your brain has a way of mixing things up and creating new scenarios when we are sleeping that can be really frightening.
Hope this helps and I hope you can get a full night’s sleep!
Carol Agnew, MA, LMFT
Online Counselor
http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com/online_counselor_ag.asp
I recently answered an email question about a woman who felt very disrespected by her husband. We need to remember in marriage/couples that we need to continuously communicate with each other, or people start making assumptions that aren’t necessarily true. If you don’t keep your partner in the loop, you may not have a loop to keep!
Here is the letter and my answer below:
Dear Carol,
Tonight my husband came home late & didn’t let me know he was going out after work. I had supper ready as usual & got worried that something had happened to him after it got past our daughter’s bedtime. His student finished a defense, so it was a customary thing to go out, but I’m really hurt & can’t figure out why he wouldn’t call & let me know. !! He comes home starving every night & knows I always have dinner ready. How do I handle this? I am so mad. >:(
Angry at Husband
Dear Angry at Husband,
It sounds like your husband was VERY insensitive when he didn’t call to let you know he was going to be late. My first thought was that maybe he was feeling he had to look “manly” in front of his student and would have been embarrassed to have to check in or get permission from his wife. I could be completely off base, he could have just been a jerk, but I think it is worth finding out if there was any kind of explanation for it (good or bad).
I really think you need to share with him how his not communicating with you really hurt and impacted you. You are supposed to be working as a team and when one member of that team does something without telling the other members, it affects everyone involved. Like when you throw a rock into the pond, the ripples touch the whole pond, not just the spot where you threw it.
Really, it is also a matter of common courtesy. You made dinner, put in effort and then had anxiety all night. Not very polite on any account. So it is time for another sit down and make him talk session. It is time to get some junk on the table. Remember, do it when he isn’t distracted with the game on the tv or too tired and ready for bed, but don’t wait forever, either. Sometimes you have to create your opportunities.
If he doesn’t have a good explanation or isn’t open to hearing your feelings on this matter, I think it is time for some couples counseling to help you both communicate better.
Good luck!
Carol Agnew, MA, LMFT
Online Counselor
www.AskTheInternetTherapist.com
Depression is such a buzz word these days for anyone feeling down. I think we need to remember that depression can be VERY Serious and have Very Serious consequences and impact on one’s life if it is not addressed.
Everyone goes through times of sadness or feeling down, especially after an unhappy event, like a loved on dying or losing a job. The problems come when the person doesn’t resume their normal activities within a couple of weeks. Clinical depression is not just grief or sadness. It is an illness that can challenge your ability to perform even routine daily activities. At its worst, depression may lead you to contemplate or commit suicide. Depression represents a burden for both you and your family. Sometimes that burden can seem overwhelming.
Some signs and symptoms of depression include sleeping too much or too little, or waking frequently through the night, not being able to get out of bed in the morning, not taking care of your self, ie., not showering or getting dressed, not doing your hair, having low to no energy, having continually low mood, crying all the time, eating too much or not at all, not engaging in social activities, isolating yourself, calling in sick to work frequently because you can’t get out of bed, feelings of worthlessness, thoughts of suicide or that life would be better without you here. Even cutting and self mutilation can be signs of depression.
These are symptoms that last for weeks and seriously impair your normal functioning.
If you have any of the above symptoms it is important for you to get a thorough evaluation by a qualified mental health counselor or psychiatrist. There are many different types of treatment available and no one should have to live like this. There are so many wonderful things in the world that depression keeps you from enjoying. There really is a light at the other end of depression. It IS treatable, you just have to ask for help.
Carol Agnew, MA, LMFT
Online Counselor
http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com/online_counselor_ag.asp
