Dear Carol,

My husband and I have two boys, ages 7 and 5, both with differing levels of Autism. We have spent tens of thousands of dollars and had countless problems dealing with their situation, but seem to be pulling out of the worst of it. My older son is mainstreamed and doing well (considering). We believe 100% that the boys’ conditions are a result of vaccine injury. I want to have another baby, as I think we could have a “normal” child, but my husband is against it. What do you think?

Wanting One More

Dear Wanting,

Having one child with Autism is incredibly difficult, I admire your strength to not only deal with two, but want another baby as well!

Even with the complications of the Autistic boys, the answer to the baby question is the same regardless. When making plans to bring a baby into the world, the decision needs to be unanimous. If one party says no, then the answer is no. If you go ahead and get pregnant without having your husband on board, there will always be an underlying resentment (probably toward you, not the baby, but possibly the baby as well) and your actions will eat away at the trust between you and your husband.

You also need to consider how you would feel if there was something wrong with the third child, whether it is Autism or something else. Would you resent your decision? You also need to think about if you have the personal resources (financially, energetically, and emotionally) to take on another child. Babies take a lot of work and energy and you are already expending a lot of energy with the boys you have. I know these are hard questions, but ones you need to think about before making such a big decision

The main point is the welfare of the child. When one parent doesn’t want the baby that message gets conveyed to the child, whether verbally or nonverbally. That kind of message can be very damaging to a child’s sense of self and importance.

But, if you can get your husband on board and think you can handle the above questions, then by all means, go for it!

Good luck!
Carol Agnew, MA, LMFT

Online Counselor

www.asktheinternettherapist.com/online_counselor_ag.asp

Autism, baby, marriage, pregnancy, relationship, vaccines Hide