I recently received a question about someone’s current couples therapy and her feelings of the sessions being one sided. It was a great question and reminds us that counselors are human and need feedback too. If you feel uncomfortable or don’t like the direction your counseling is going, now is the time to tell that to your counselor. The most important part of the counseling process is the relationship between the client and the counselor and if you aren’t feeling heard or understood, you need to do something about that. You are in charge of your sessions and what you want to get out of them. If you are not getting what you need, let your therapist know and hopefully they will address your concerns and the relationship will get better.

here is the question and my answer:

Dearest Carol,

Me and my boyfriend of on and off for 7 yrs started seeing a therapist months ago for couples therapy. He started seeing her alone a few months ago. I am feeling really uncomfortable with this because they are previewing our serious issues before i even get in there and get a chance to say my side. I notice that it doesn’t seem to be an equal session anymore. I try to talk about my concerns and they seem to be getting pushed aside and more focused on what he has said about me prior. I am looking for some advice on this. I am really upset and things are not going well. Thank you.

Concerned about our Therapy

Dear Concerned,

I am proud of you for reaching out for help as a couple! That is a great first step.

I also think you have a right to be concerned. As a couple’s therapist, your therapist has to work extra hard to make sure she is being fair to both sides. There are times when individual counseling is warranted with one or both of the parties to help them work through their own personal issues that get in the way of the couple. However, when the therapist does that they must be even More careful not to take sides. It sounds like that is what is happening here. I would suggest you confront your therapist on how you are feeling and see what their reaction is. If she blows you off, I would be looking for a new therapist as you will never get a fair shake with her. If she listens respectfully and addresses the concern, you are probably ok continuing as she will hopefully make more effort to be more fair. You may want to schedule some individual sessions of your own so that she can get to know you and your side of the story better. Therapists are human and can make mistakes as well, so if you are not happy with your services, speak up and do something about it. Ultimately, you are the consumer of a service and are in charge of your treatment.

Hope that helps.
Carol Agnew, MA, LMFT

Online Counselor

www.AskTheInternetTherapist.com

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