Low self- esteem appears to be associated with a lack of clearness about one’s important personality. A person with low self-esteem may support conflicting expressive terms, seeing the self as both fearful and brave or flexible and inflexible. This confusion is connected to contradiction, insecurity, and lack of confidence in one’s life and self. Because of this confusion, people with low self-esteem are likely to have difficulty deciding what social circumstances to participate in. They are likely to place themselves in situations where they receive conflicting or negative social messages about their worth

Individuals with low self-esteem need frequent reassurance that they are competent and that they are loved. Having low self-esteem, they need numerous opportunities to discover that their unique talents and abilities are useful and important, and that they can have a positive impact on others. As competencies increase, as thought becomes more flexible, and as the individual makes meaningful friendships we expect that their self-esteem will increase.

For every part of the self the physical self, the self as reproduced in others’ behavior and the collection of personal necessities and goals, a person makes an evaluation of worthiness. This self-evaluation, or self-esteem, is based on three necessary sources (1) messages of love, support, and approval from others. (2) Specific character and competencies, and (3) the way one regards these specific parts of the self, both in difference with others and in relation to one’s ideal self. Feelings of being loved, valued, admired, and successful add to a sense of worth. Feelings of being ignored, rejected, disrespected, and inadequate gives to a broad sense of pride or shame, worthiness or worthlessness, that is limited in the overall statements children make about themselves even as early as toddlers.

Information about specific aspects of the self is increased through experiences of success and failure in daily tasks or when particular aspects of one’s competence are challenged. A young child may develop a positive sense of self in athletics, problem solving, or social skills through the encouraging reactions of others as well as through the pleasure associated with succeeding in each of these areas(Harter, 1985).

With understanding in a variety of roles and settings, each skill takes on a certain level of importance for a person. Not all skills are evenly valued at home, at school, and by friends. People may believe they have skills in some areas but not in those they consider highly important. Others may believe they have only one or two areas of strength, but they may highly value those areas and believe them to be seriously important to overall success. Self-esteem is liable by the value one assigns to specific competencies in relation to one’s overall life goals and personal standards. Thus, it is possible to be a success in the eyes of others and still feel a nagging sense of worthlessness. Also, it is possible to feel proud and confident even though others may not value the behavior and qualities in which one takes great satisfaction.

Darlene Albury, LCSW