Borderline Personality Disorder destroys the possiblity of healthy relationships.The way that Disorders, such as Borderline Personality Disorder, develop is through the process of individuation or lack of individuation. When a child is born they are completely egocentric, which means that they do not recognize that other people are anything other than a part of themselves. This is nature's way of allowing a baby to feel safe although in reality they are totally helpless and vulnerable.

At one and a half a child develops permanence of objects. This means that if you hide some keys that a child is playing with "out of site is out of mind" before this age. Now a child realizes that things are separate and permanent. This throws the child into the first existential anxiety, fear of abandonment, abandonment depression, fear of dying, of death, separation anxiety, which all leads to attachment hunger. A child desperately needs reassurance by both parents and a safe world order. If parents and the world are secure then the child feels safer and healthy individuation can proceed which greatly reduces the chance of developing disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder.

If parents abandon the child he will stay in this psychological state of neediness and if parents or the world spoil them then the child does not get the idea that other people are real people and remain semi-objects. There are numerous kinds of personality disorders, but they all share this development with only a few differences. Any kind of abandonment or abuse makes the development less healthy and thereby increases the chances of developing BPD.

The definition of this disorder listed in the DSM IV, which is the diagnosis bible of psychiatry is as follows. A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by 5 or more of the following:

• Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
• A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
• Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
• Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, or binge eating).
• Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.
• Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and rarely more than a few days).
• Chronic feelings of emptiness.
• Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
• Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

These symptoms create havoc with relationships that an individual attempts to create in their lives. The sufferer has no real mature knowledge of what a healthy relationship is and often feels as if he or she is being picked on by the people in their lives. Unless the sufferer realizes that the problem is within themselves they are doomed to repeat the unhappy relationships of the past. This disorder requires in depth psychotherapy often for a couple of years to really have any great chance of making a lasting change in the individual. If the person does not realize this and diligently work on their issues the resulting pain in their lives will be immense.

2004 © Jef Gazley, M.S., LMFT, DCC

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