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 It
has been said, “There are no isolated individuals. There are only
relations, because we can only know ourselves in relation to other selves.”
As children mature, they focus less on their own uniqueness and more on
how their interpersonal worlds revolve. A child, learning to find himself
in the world, observes how his actions bring about various predictable
results in others. Even as infants, they sense order in the universe by
finding that others respond when they cry, or laugh, or move their bodies.
They detect a direct relation between their own actions and others’
responses. In awareness of this the child can shape his actions to bring
about desired results, what may be termed moral actions.
By learning these
concepts, children begin to reap the benefits of conformity. They gain
social attention and increase self-esteem; their identity and place in
the world becomes clearer. By two or three years, children gain an awareness
that others have inner states independent of their own. When the child’s
own view is defined, he learns the skills of how to observe others’
views. He knows how his actions will affect them because he is able to
understand how it would feel to be in their position.
Before age seven,
children follow rules of compliance due to the love and respect they hold
for their care-givers. After this, children begin to act in accordance
to what rules make sense to them. They see the consequences of their actions,
and they act accordingly. Eventually the child progresses from an authority
awareness of obedience and punishment to a belief that being good feels
good. After this the child behaves morally to win social approval, and
finally comes to appreciate the law for its own sake. Toward the end they
begin to follow their own conscience, and finally, if achieved, the moral
ideal is a belief in and adherence to a universal ethical principle developed
on their own.
Barbara Averre, MPHCS
© 2005 AskTheInternetTherapist.com.
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