Dear S.,
It certainly sounds
as if your fiancée’s mother is troubled. From your description
though I cannot really guess in exactly what way. Some chemical disorder
might be the cause of her inward and outward rage, but there are many
other possibilities as well. Depending on her age she could be going through
a difficult menopause. It is also possible that she has had a traumatic
life and is reacting to that.
The problem you have
is how best to reach her. I can only talk about the laws of the State
Of Arizona, but the commitment laws are very stringent here and I believe
everywhere else in the United States. The only way that someone can be
committed for treatment against their will is if they have a major mental
disorder at the time of their observation by the mental health staff.
This means Major Depression or Schizophrenia or related disorders. The
person has to be severely delusional or be suffering from auditory or
visual hallucinations, which is hearing voices or seeing things that others
can’t. This can not be related to using drugs and alcohol. In fact
if chemicals are being used the authorities usually will not commit.
The second condition
is that the person in question has to be proved to be a life-threatening
threat to themselves or someone else in the recent past. This has to be
witnessed by two people. If someone says they are going to kill someone
with only one witness this is not enough.
Even if you are able
to get this person committed they will be in the hospital for a three
day period for observation only. Then there will be a court case to decide
if the person should be forced into treatment. If so, then they could
be committed for anywhere between 30 and 90 days. At the end of this time
another court case would be instituted to either let the person out or
give them further time.
The reasons that the
law is written this way is that earlier in the century there was a lot
of abuse in terms of committing people. It was an all too frequent way
for families to displace a rich family member and get control over the
finances. Now the laws have swung so far over the other way that it is
almost impossible to get appropriate care for someone who is really in
danger.
As I read your e-mail
I don’t see anything that would meet these criteria. If I had to
guess I would wonder more whether she was suffering from Borderline Personality
Disorder and/or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but there is no way for
me to know for sure with the lack of detail. She does sound very destructive
to personal relationships. I would focus on trying to see if you can communicate
in a way that might reach her. You might also talk to your fiancée’
and ask him to be firmer with her.
I wish you luck because
this does seem to be a difficult situation without easy answers. Take
care.
Jef Gazley, M.S.,
LMFT, DCC
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