Dear JC,
That is one of the
best questions I have ever heard. I do agree with you that some people
are more sensitive by temperament than others. I also agree that people
who are more sensitive have greater problems with self-esteem than some
other people. However, I do feel that usually it is not the temperament
that a person is born with, but the way they have been treated that is
often the determining factor in self-esteem.
Recent research indicates
that when a child is under greater stress than they should be for too
long of a time that several parts of the brain are effected. Too much
cortisol, a stress related chemical, can do damage to the body and even
cause several areas of the brain to be underdeveloped. Our body was only
meant to have the central nervous system in a state of flight, fight,
or freeze for only fifteen minutes at a time. When it remains overactive
a person either becomes shell shocked and numb or hypersensitive and reactive.
Often these symptoms alternate in the same person. The toll in self-esteem
is enormous.
Having the misfortune
to have abusive parents, as you have shared was the case in your family,
would cause the above symptoms. It would cause Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder,
which is the formal name for the symptoms you are talking about. When
someone has been mistreated in this fashion they tend to feel as if they
are shameful and unimportant. This happens even when they know intellectually
that their parents were wrong in the way they treated the child. Shame
results even if the person knew as a child that they had worth. They even
tend to feel the shame despite a successful career and present family
members who love them.
Having this poor sense
of self-esteem makes a person more likely to resonate to any pain they
see in others. It is often as if they relive their own pain by seeing
the pain in others. This is one of the hallmarks of PTSD. This pain, sensitivity,
and low self-esteem pervade the entire person who has been victimized.
It is not only in their conscious mind, but lodges in their subconscious
and even in the cells of the body.
Where I disagree with
you is that even though the treatment is difficult with someone who has
been abused, and even though the brain has been damaged or underdeveloped
people are unbelievably resilient. Not only can they change their behavior
and thoughts, but they can grow new neural pathways in their brains. Therefore,
they can repair their own brains and nervous system to a large extent.
The newer work with brain imaging has demonstrated this repair.
Some of the newer
therapies such as NET and EMDR have made it possible for quicker, more
complete, and less painful progress in these areas. Old neural pathways
and body cell memory of traumas can be greatly reduced and often eliminated.
People are no longer doomed to stay over-sensitive and shame bound. To
change self-worth and over sensitivity still takes a lot of work on the
part of the client and therapist, but the change is much more complete
now.
Good luck. I hope
this has been helpful.
Jef Gazley, M.S.,
LMFT, DCC
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