Sample Email 23 - Sex does not appeal to me. What's wrong? - Sex Therapy

By Dr. Judith L. Allen

Dear P.,

Greetings! Let's talk a little about what happens in most cases, after you give birth to a baby. It isn't only the physical changes of birth that can alter your life, but women often find they lose sexual desire after childbirth.

This is a natural reaction and is there for a reason. Once a baby is born, a mother becomes more dedicated and focused in an important period of first year bonding with her baby. It's reassuring to know however, that sexual desire does return after months or possibly a year.

Along with the physiological impact and the changes in routine, look at other differences within your relationship which may have come into play. Ask yourself "What is different about our relationship and the quality of our time together?" Life changed dramatically for you.

You may not have as much time to take care of yourself now, to get dressed and prepared to "go out on a date" or to be as carefree as you were when intimacy was more exciting. You may find yourself much more tired, after caring for the baby. It's possible that physical changes have made you less confident, and that you may need breaks to exercise, read, pamper yourself by buying something new to wear, getting your hair and nails done, etc.

Talk with your partner, and see what you can do to return to some occasional "dating" and be sure to ask for his help if you feel that you're doing too much. There is nothing sexier than a man jumping in to do his part in a relationship and with his responsibilities as a father. Most of all, don't judge yourself, be more patient and understanding with yourself about the monumental and wonderful change that has taken place!

Warmest regards,

Judith L. Allen, Ph.D.
State Board Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
State Board Licensed Professional Counselor
State Board Registered Counselor

© 2004 AskTheInternetTherapist.com.