Dear P.,
Greetings! Let's talk a little about what happens in most cases, after
you give birth to a baby. It isn't only the physical changes of birth
that can alter your life, but women often find they lose sexual desire
after childbirth.
This is a natural reaction and is there for a reason. Once a baby is born,
a mother becomes more dedicated and focused in an important period of
first year bonding with her baby. It's reassuring to know however, that
sexual desire does return after months or possibly a year.
Along with the physiological impact and the changes in routine, look at
other differences within your relationship which may have come into play.
Ask yourself “What is different about our relationship and the quality
of our time together?” Life changed dramatically for you.
You may not have
as much time to take care of yourself now, to get dressed and prepared
to “go out on a date” or to be as carefree as you were when
intimacy was more exciting. You may find yourself much more tired, after
caring for the baby. It’s possible that physical changes have made
you less confident, and that you may need breaks to exercise, read, pamper
yourself by buying something new to wear, getting your hair and nails
done, etc.
Talk with your partner, and see what you can do to return to some occasional
“dating” and be sure to ask for his help if you feel that
you’re doing too much. There is nothing sexier than a man jumping
in to do his part in a relationship and with his responsibilities as a
father. Most of all, don't judge yourself, be more patient and understanding
with yourself about the monumental and wonderful change that has taken
place!
Warmest regards,
Judith L. Allen, Ph.D.
State Board Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
State Board Licensed Professional Counselor
State Board Registered Counselor
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