Codependency is focusing so much on another person's needs and problems that we forget to take care of our own well being and emotional health. The inability to say "no" when "no" is warranted, and often putting the thoughts, feelings, and needs of others before your own are red flags of codependency. If you are suffering from codependence, e-counseling can help. E-counseling is an affordable, capable treatment option for codependent issues. E-counseling is a private and anonymous alternative to traditional therapy.

1. Most often putting the thoughts, feelings, and needs of others first ~ before your own.
2. Feeling that you give more in relationships than you get back.
3. Finding that your caring and loving feelings are turning to resentment because of feeling you are giving too much and are being unappreciated.
4. An inability to say "no" when "no" is warranted.
5. Feelings of substantial insecurity in relationships where there is little to no reason to feel like the relationship is in danger of ending.
6. Experiencing rejection sensitivity. This is the irrational belief that others are negative towards us. No one enjoys being rejected, but people suffering from co-dependence are unduly hurt by other peoples slights. They also often see rejection when it isn't there.
7. Feeling like the relationship "is out of control" or that you are "out of control."
8. Feeling that you won't be OK unless the other person is in your life. People suffering from co-dependence have tremendously strong abandonment fears.
9. An inability to set proper boundaries in relationships. Boundaries are where one person ends off and where one person begins. Boundaries are basically respect and good manners.
10. The inability to feel validated in the relationship regardless of how often they are validated.
11. Unhealthy tolerance of verbal, sexual, or physical abuse. A co-dependent person tends to view abuse as normal or the best that can be expected.
12. The inability to leave the relationship under any circumstance even when most of the good feelings have left and even if severe abuse is present.
13. Chronically engaging in behavior that is self-defeating in subtle and non-subtle ways.

Jef Gazley, M.S., LMFT, DCC

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