The following is an excerpt from mental health book by Jef Gazley LMFT entitled “Is That The Reason ITry To Take Care Of People Too Much and Cannot Say “No”?” “There are usually two sides to any person in a chemically dependent situation. On the one hand, an alcoholic is very immature, doesn’t feel good enough, is angry, depressed, and scared, but on the outside, often acts like everything is fine, is charming, and acts as if everything is fun and grand, rather than difficult. They fool a lot of people into thinking that everything in the family is just fine. On the inside a codependent is often a person who does not feel good enough. They feel unloved, dependent, scared, extremely angry, and often feel like a martyr because they feel ripped off by the alcoholic as if they somehow didn’t choose them to be their mate. On the outside, the persona that they present to the world is somebody who is extremely loving and sweet. They will give you the shirt off their back, and are very nurturing and forgiving. It’s this dual personality that is so incredibly confusing to the children that live with them. These are two very young children who are stuck together in an enmeshed way which causes a power vacuum that has to be fed somehow, and that is usually filled by the family hero. The family hero is a parentified child.” By Jef Gazley, M.S., LMFT ©2008 Available on printed format, e-book (downloadable book), and audio book on CD.